Just taking a moment to write while Lachie is occupied by putting spit on the windows and sticking stuff to it....
I want to talk about drug addiction. This isn't just something that happens in the backs of alleys with dirty needles and homeless people. Drug addiction isn't having no lightbulbs because you're using them to smoke 'P'. It's not having your kids taken off you and loosing your job.
Drug addiction can mean living life like everyone else. Coping, living and moving forward but just constantly chained to what you can't go without. This may seem dramatic, because I'm not talking about heroin, 'P' or cocaine... it's even legal!
I wish I'd never started taking Venlafaxine (or "Effexor" on the telly). Yes I was depressed and anxious but what can you say I have gained when all I feel is numb? I have been on these pills for a couple of years now - with gradual increases over time so now I'm on a mammoth 300mg per day. Two granule filled pills that rule my life. If I forget to take them I'm in withdrawal hell. Splitting headache, churning stomach, insane irritability. No depressive symptoms - just physical withdrawal symptoms.
I have tried to stop previously, by taking my normal dose every second day instead of every day. That didn't go well - it just meant withdrawal every second day, then back to normal.
I think the key is gradual reduction. So gradual my body wont cotton on what I'm doing to it.
"YOU CAN'T GO OFF YOUR MEDS AT A TIME LIKE THIS!" I hear you scream - but I feel a desperate need to cry and grieve. I have cried, yes - but I feel like I'm more like an empty vessel and I need to be filled with the good and the bad. At the moment the good times are muddled in with the bad and it all comes out with a distinctive feeling of 'blah'.
I need to feel.
So I opened up my wee capsules and tipped out a tiny amount of the granules. I did this to all my pills. My Dr suggested the every second day route, but then did agree when I said I need to go slower. It's been a few days now and I'm not noticing much which is the best outcome yet!
I feel like such a proper drug addict though - I went on to "Trade Me" and bought tiny digital scales that can measure tiny quantities. Perfect for measuring out drugs for sale, but conveniently also good for me to weight out small doses of my wee granules to make sure my gradual weaning goes smoothly.
SO if you're in the market for tiny scales to help with your drug selling business, hit me up in a few weeks - hopefully I wont need them any more!