I'm feeling SO sorry for myself at the moment. I don't really want to go out and do things anymore and I'd rather just stay at home. I think I've been ignoring how I've been feeling and trying to move on too fast and now it's caught up on me! I don't feel like having fun, I just can't be bothered. I can't sleep and I'm so unmotivated.
I know these are classic signs of depression - but I'm already on a large dose of medication that I don't want to be on.
I called Christchurch Womens Hospital about free counselling and they took my details and never called back! Meanwhile I'm struggling to feel like a normal person.
It's got to the point where I find it hard to look at Ellie's pictures because it just hurts too much, AND I'm getting bitter. There's only so much of this coping lark that one person can do.
I'm filled with self pity and there is some real negativity happening too :( Part of doesn't want to get out of this hole though - because then I'll have to be a normal functioning person.