I'd come around to the idea of having three kids. We'd planned for Ellie and made all necessary arrangements, and now we're empty and in limbo. I feel as if I have little purpose because I'm not in paid employment, nor am I pregnant or breastfeeding. Sophie is in school and Lachie is old enough for daycare by anyone's standards. I'm not ready to let go of this phase of my life yet. I'm not ready to sit back and watch my two kids grow up. I'm still in the phase of building my family.
I don't want to let this tragedy finish off my baby growing days. I love Ellie and she will always be a part of our family, but I need more than just the wee few memories I have. I need a real, live baby.
I don't like the phrase to "try again" - as if we have some how failed at out attempts to have a baby. We DID have a baby and she was perfect. We just didn't get to keep her. I do feel as if we succeeded, but it just wasn't what we expected. SO no, we're not going to 'try again' - we're just going to let Mother Nature decide when we are to add to our family.
So far Mother Nature isn't keen on the idea of adding to our family - not letting me get back to normal cycles since Ellie was born. That's OK though, I'm slowly learning to have patience.
Wish me luck, this is all rather scarey!